Tired and girl-crazy!

I am so very very tired. Tired and tired of being tired, ya get me? End of the semester is always crunch time. Papers are due, performances are played, studying is in full swing. But among all this chaos, I am drawn toward one shining light - the elusive, seductive, confusing, wonderful Ms. M whom I mentioned in my last post.

I am uncertain how to interpret the times M and I have had with each other. Most of our conversations have occurred in the School of Music after our class we have together. But we have also been to two bars, and both times there were others with us. I am so confused about what I see as "signs". She seems to engage me with her eyes - a good sign. She also laughs at my humor and enjoys my saxophone playing - 2 more good signs. We also seem to share a solitary existance outside of school. By this I mean we have both admitted to each other that we don't hang out with many people and spend alot of our free time at our homes. So, a relationship would be welcome relief for the both of us, right? But I don't want to date M just because I am lonely. I really think we could work. I just can't tell if she likes me or if she was simply brought up by her family to wait for a guy to ask her out. I just don't have the guts to straight up ask her out. I need to get everything out in the open with M before she leaves for winter break - I don't want the tension in my head while I am in Phoenix!

I think I'm a good catch. I see other people happy and paired off all around me. I feel that I deserve nothing less. My singleness has nothing to do with any flaws in my personality or my looks. It all has to do with barriers I have in place in my own mind. If I have the will, there will be a way...

My saxophone playing has gotten better recently, mostly due to all the performing I have been doing lately. I was in such a slump for most of October. My loneliness and homesickness were affecting my playing. I am starting to get back into the groove again and I am not as bad as I once thought. My sax professor Mr. Meighan wants me to play for a guest saxophonist next semester and I want to plan a special recital mid-semester, so I have a lot of preparation and paracticing to do. Eh, that's what I'm all the way over here for, right? One Prism concert down, THREE more to go. Did I mention I was tired?