AAAAARRRRGGGHH!!!

I blew it! I fucking blew it!! I am the biggest piece of doodoo(doo70s) on the planet!

I was all set to talk to M before our final Prism concert and she showed up right before we had to play so I couldn't talk to her. I then tried to find out her post-concert plans during our stage change but there were so many people around and she had to go immediately to where her clarinet quartet was going to perform that I was unable to set any plans with her. And that was it. FUCK!!!

On the good side, however, I did spend a good night out with my fellow saxophonists. We went downtown to the Tallahassee festival of lights carnival and listened to live music and ate funnel cakes and deep fried alligator and boiled peanuts. Mmm mmm mmm! Interesting, but tasty. It slightly made up for my lack of backbone earlier, but I still am dissapointed in myself at present.

Now I am waiting for my friend Chris to call to see where the parties are being held. Maybe M will be at one of them since these parties are being held by fellow music students...

Ya know, I realize that I am overreacting, but I feel strongly for this girl. She is quite interesting, and I haven't met someone as interesting in a long time. I do have her phone number that I got from the FSU student directory, but is it weird to call her up out of the blue when she never actually gave me her number? Will she be flatterred, or weirded out?

I really have no options at this point but to call her. I gotsta get it offa my chest. It'll be like the proverbial ripping off of the band-aid: it hurts at first, but only for a second or two. I hope. I feel I really need to go after this one. I must learn to push through the mental barricades of social ineptitude and come out triumphantly on the other side. Even if I get banged and bruised by the process, the end result will be a stronger, more socially comfortable me.

My mind is starting to go numb at this point. It's late and I've thrown back a couple beers tonight. I hope that all will reveal itself in due time...