17 October 2007

It's like there are several of me...

Life outside of school - what is it?

I find these days that my mood can swing violently in different directions. When I am in these different moods I feel almost like I am a different Doo. I find myself at times in complete contentment, especially those times spent with V. Other times I wonder why I am even bothering to draw breath. Now I ask you, is this normal? I have the feeling that most of you out there would say "yes".

Let's face it, life is not easy. It is not supposed to be. But the goal we all have, I think, is to try to be as happy as we can be for as much of the time we have been given on this planet. So, in accepting that all of this is true, how can I avoid plunging myself into throws of despair whenever something in my life goes wrong? How do I stop ignoring my problems by shoving them aside and occupying myself with trivial, non-important tasks?

I remember telling many people in Florida that I was sick of being a student and couldn't wait to do something different for a change. Yet, at times I find myself longing to go back there and take up the old life again with its own struggles, because it seemed easier than it is now.

I wish to streamline my emotional ups and downs because I can't handle these rapid mood swings forever.

Ich weiß nicht, was zu denken.

1 Responses:

Blogger Groove Salad said...

Ich denke, daß du mit mir sprechen sollten. Ja?

And you're right - we all have our ups and downs. I feel that mine, too, are sometimes a violent switch - the littlest thing can send me into a downward spiral. Then again, the doc said he thinks I have that situational anxiety/depression (and I'm not on meds still), sooo... Yeah.

Just the other day I was at IKEA by myself and I got totally overwhelmed by it all: the many displays, the thought of even considering spending money, etc. I just had to get out of there and go back to Matt's house so I could be comforted - it was a strange feeling to "panic" like that.

As for the longing to be in a situation that you found easier (college), I'm sure you'll adapt to the graduated life one of these days. I know you've been in Germany for almost 3 months, but compare that to how many years you were in school and I'm sure you'll agree that you just need more time. Or maybe if you get a different second job things will feel less chaotic. Sometimes the littlest things can set you right.

I feel the same way when I'm with Matt - that every other problem fades away; everything seems easy and fun. And then it's back to the grind of architorture day in, day out. Sometimes I truly live only for the weekends when I get to see him - all the other time becomes "I just have to get past this day/week" and then I'm closer to fun time again. You know?

Anyway, email me more - especially when you have a crappy day. Outside perspective is good.

I just thought of something: our family has gone through a lot this year - at least that's how I feel. Not a day goes by that I don't have moments of "man, things really suck," or, "life has a funny way of twisting the knife," etc.

So get in touch! :o)

10/18/2007 5:09 AM


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